Oooh, You’re Soooo Pretty! Clueless

If nobody likes a know-it-all, then wouldn’t logic suggest that everyone likes a clueless person? If so, wuu huu for me. Seeing as I’ve lived in L.A for almost six months before, I thought I might be a bit more clued in this time around. Know the ropes a bit better. Not be as green perhaps. A bit more street wise. How foolish my hopeful thoughts were! Stupid fools. Slowly but surely I am beginning to realise that I am still pretty clueless about a lot of things here. A lot. Here’s one…

When I first moved to West Hollywood, one thing which I was not aware of, was that it is a highly gay area. Parts being referred to as Boys Town. On the other hand, there are plenty of unbelievably hot women to balance things out. Besides Beverly Hills or up in the Hollywood Hills, it is probably the best spot to live in. Nicest, safest, like it’s own little bubble really. One of the few areas in L.A that feels sort of like a normal city. Sort of. Besides not being able to walk to most places or get an underground and the likes. Anyways, I knew it was a gay area from the last time. No problems there. What I didn’t really remember, or have a clue about, is that there are a fair few sleazy, creepy dudes floating about at all times. Prowling it seems. Whose prolonged stares and weird eye games are two things which I seem to have forgotten/not known about.

An Unknowing Nod

Lets compare it with back in Cork. If a guy was to look at you for longer than a normal glance or normal length of time you would presume ye know each other from somewhere and is trying to figure out where. Or, he wants to fight you. Usually one of the two. Here, it is slightly different. The other day I noticed a guy looking at me with a weird glint. Odd, I thought, do I know him from somewhere? Still looking at me. And I’m looking back. Trying to figure out why he is looking at me or if I know him. Looking. Look. Looking. Hmmm, did he just wink or what was that? Is he winking? Or just blinking weirdly? Winking. Or blinking? Was that another wink? Or does he have a twitch. A creepy twitch? Did he just wink again with the other eye? Speaking of which, which eye do I wink with actually? My right eye? No, that doesn’t feel right. My left eye? No, that felt like a Pop-Eye face. Ah, that’s right, I never get an urge to wink, so neither eye. Oh no, it looks like I’m winking back at the guy. Twice. Different eye each time. Same as what he just did. Did I just give him a code of some kind? No, I’m just over-thinking everythi… and there he goes biting air at me. Silent growling. Oh Jesus. Time for me to leave the grocery store before this goes any further. I only came in to buy milk and eggs! Leave me alone shop keeper dude. Must find a new corner store to go to now. I’ve been winked out of this one.

Guys who leer while walking past you on the street appear to be more abundant as well. Walking straight ahead, face forward yet their eyes following you like some sort of optical illusion as they walk past. The gym has a fair few dudes in a similar vein. Gay Jim is after getting worse in that regards. Although the dude with the brutal wig and Hebert the Pervert style breathing might just be worse. When I went back to the gym for the first time I looked for the main boss to talk about DJ’ing again. Out from the back office came a flailing Jim when he heard me asking for her. Big high five. Back in L.A, wuu huu. Great to see you too Jim. And eh, how about DJ’ing again? Since then I’ve met Jim twice in there, and twice greeted him like I might a buddy back home, jokingly… ‘Hiya boyo, how are ya buddy?!!!’ I’ve realised now that Jim must get his kicks out of this. Especially seeing as he is usually the arm flailing, constantly tutting, eye rolling kind of guy.

One Of Those Looks

Anyways, on Thursday as I was leaving le gym I saw him and gave a ‘How-are-ya-boyo!-Any-news-on-the-DJ-ing-from-the-main-boss’ greeting. ‘No news yet, although she was asking where else it is that you play again?’ was the response. Actually, I’m playing in a bar down the street tonight, bring her along. Bring all the staff, the more the merrier. The busier it is, obviously, the better for me. Jim was excited by this open offer. An offer which has been passed around to everyone and anyone I meet. Jim seemed to think it was a personal invite. Starting to blink, wink, bite and stare at me for dear life. ‘Ooooh, I’ll be there. It’s a date!’ Well, I wouldn’t put it like that now Jim, but whatever, bring your boss and the rest of the people working here, should be good. ‘I doubt they’ll go at such short notice. I’ll be there though. It’s a date! So pretty!’ Eh, yeah, pardon? I don’t really get the pretty part. Doesn’t matter. Just bring your boss. She’s the one who counts. And stop calling it a date. ‘Ok. It’s a date. I’ll be there. Oh so pretty!’

At this point, the quite good looking girl working behind the front desk turned towards us and gave me a weird look. Not a leering, leeching, odd, staring me down, kind of look. More one of ‘Hmmm. Did you just ask Jim out on a date?’ kind of look. I tried to give her a ‘No, no, you got the wrong end of the stick. You must’ve not heard the start of the conversation. You are invited along as well. If you want to call it a date with you, then I’d be up for that. But I didn’t ask Jim on a date like your look suggested’ kind of look back in return. Unfortunately she just threw her eyes to heaven and turned back to her computer.

Not the response I was looking for. I must’ve looked at her the wrong way. Or blinked too much. Or stared, opened my mouth and got a creepy glint in my eye all mixed up and in the wrong order. Or did something that I didn’t mean to do anyways. Being honest, I don’t have a clue. Like a lot of things, it would appear that I am oh so pretty clueless. I’m just going to comfort myself with the fact that nobody likes a know-it-all!

Songs on…

A Funny Thing – Penguin Prison

Wake Up – Acid Girls Feat. Frankmusik

Tags: Acid Girls Feat. Frankmusik, Clueless, Dumb, gym, Penguin Prison, Wake Up, West Hollywood