Retire. Go Mental.

I wonder how Conan is dealing with it. I assume we’re both in the same boat. I’m with you, Coco. Exact same boat really. Except mine is more of a dingy. And his is a $40 million yacht. Besides that though, exact same boat. Finished one project. Now. Then. Right. In the back of my mind, I was expecting a black abyss. The black abyss. Land of the unknown. Each thought laced with… oh Jesus, what to do, nothing to do, what do I do?! Not exactly panning out like that though. Seeing as I do know what I must do. No abyss. Maybe just a mental week off. Chilling. All making me realise. Retire when you’re dead. People must go mental when they retire. Seriously. Fun at first. Then. Passing time. Just like kidney stones. Buckets of fun.

Yelping Apes, Flying Squirrels

Although I think I may actually retire day time living. All this early morning rising. If I dont, I may go mental. Sooner than anticipated. Not sure if we’re suited. Killing days. Much prefer living nights. Tiring work, daytime living. Fairly shattered all day today. For what… eh, a lot? Dealing with that squirrel was tiring. The squirrel who launched himself at me. Twice, in fact. Both times. Smacked into my window. Thank funk for windows. Not sure what I did to him. Or if it’s even a him. I do know, that as it waltzed along a branch on a tree outside my window, it stopped, looked at me, and launched.

First time. Making me yelp. Surprised. Not fear. What the funk. A squirrel just flung himself at the window! Yelp! That kind of yelp. Wondering why he had launched. Did he think my head was a bird’s nest? Do squirrel’s attack birds? While I pondered this, I noticed said squirrel, back up on the tree. Back strolling along. Back to seeing me. Back. Launch. Once more. Flying squirrel. Holy funk, again?! Bang. Hits the other part of the window. Another yelp. This time, more defensive. What the funk?! That squirrel is launching himself at me?! Yelp! All of which, was pretty much the highlight of my day from breakfast to lunch. Giddy up early mornings!

Just Like His!

Afternoon was productive at least. The flying squirrel twisted my arm. Decision made. Time to go do something for the first time in 8 months. 8 months, to the day, in fact. Go on the blogaruu, documenting my mundane innocuous activities. Off I went. Nerves rattling. Burnt over and over. Atheist at this stage. All faith gone. One last go. After all, I can’t break that promise I made to nobody. Book has been handed over. Now. Time. To get a haircut. Really going wild with the book celebrations thus far. Although there was a point in the hairdressers when it did actually get a bit wild. Crazy fan, kind of wild.

At first, being so narcissistic and all, I thought those yelping middle-aged women who came rushing in to the hairdressers were trying to tell me not to Delilah my hair. Three large women thundering towards me. Thankfully. They rushed past. Gushed past. One seat over. Not interested in me and my head on the hair-chopping block. Only interested in the guy who was next to me. Sparks were flying. Jordan, you’re amazing. We love you. We love your hair! Amazing! Odd enough. Particularly when you don’t know who the commotion is over. Either way. After seeing that reaction. I informed the hairdresser. Cut it like his hair. Please. Spruce it up. I would like the effect his fro had over those women. Thank you. 

Something Old, Something New

So the hairdresser shredded. Diced. Sliced. Chopped. Salad me up. Cheers buddy! Looks alright. Is there something in this water? No. Ok. Sure thing. I will buy that hair stuff you recommend which I will try out once and never use again. Thank you for that. Sucked me in. Once more. Fooled by the clever lighting which is found in all hairdressers. Tested the waters with a few of the female hairdressers working. Girls, does this make ye have the same reaction as that guy earlier? No? Oh right. Why not? Oh. Right. He was actually a New Kid On The Block. So he could’ve probably had a bird’s nest filled up with squirrels as a head. And they still would’ve still loved him? Cool. I’ll be off so. Oh, hello daylight. Hello reflection. Sweet Lord, my reflection informed me, once again, done. Unless you were going for the Ellen-bob look? Eh. No.

Retire Off

And that. Was pretty much my afternoon. As you can see. Long and arduous day. Bit of eating scattered throughout. Few emails here and there. Bit of sneaky extra editing and adding, say nothing. Bit of gym. All I was missing was a bit of gardening at some stage. Shrubs. Seeds. Compost. Hoes. All that, and my fully retired way of a day would’ve been complete. Thankfully. Sweet Lord. This is hopefully the calm before the storm. Seeing as at least I do have one plan. Perhaps there shall be others. Better. Alternative. But one plan involves a tour, a stand-up, a book, a country, an Irish pub in every corner, and a camera to film it all. Also involves a little thing called funding, so that is being worked on and wrangled at the moment. If it looks good, could be dancing! And, at least I know what I’ll be doing on Monday morning. Round two. Second time in 8 months. Hi buddy… yeah I actually wanted the Big Bird bob, not the Ellen one…

Thistles And Felt – Caribou

Tags: Big Bird, Caribou, Ellen, Gibberish, Haircut, I'm With Coco, New Kids On The Block, Retirement, Squirrels, Thistles And Felt, Week Off, Yelping