More On! Moron…

If You Got The Money – Jamie T

Did you know… Book two is in full flow? Well. Maybe not full flow as in I’m gushing. But full flow as in I’m beyond leaking. No looking back. Not sure why I got so hung up on the flow metaphor. Not even that time of the month. Oh Jesus.

Did you know… DJigging is fully in full flow? Flow on! All sorts of gigs. Thursday in a castle. Friday in what can probably be described best as an empty room. Saturday in what can only be described as a bar full of people going absolutely miiiiintal! And Sunday in a pub full of lesbians. All sorts of flow. Go money go!

Did you know… Surrounded by 100 lesbians sounds better than it actually is?

And What Else... ?

Did you know… People actually come up while DJing and sincerely say ‘Music is my religion. This is my church. Can you play me the new Britney song…’? Would that make Britney your God? Your priest? And are you of the Moron fate?

Did you know… Urinals can be interesting places? For example. That guy. Next to me. On his phone. Texting away. Or so I thought. Until I heard a whirl. Click. Flash. Followed by him realising I was next to him. While he took a photo of his…

Did you know… Wearing flip-flops, while using a urinal, is not the greatest idea? Bad old back splash. Even worse. Realising some of it is from the guy next door…

And There's More...

Did you know… You meet some awful folk in LA? Gimps. Muppets. Pricks. Apes. Clowns. Trolls. Trollops. Troll apes. Runts. The lot. Just like the gimp/muppet/prick/ape/clown/troll/trollop/troll ape/runt who freaked out over me.  Blaming it on the fact that I’m not rich enough for her liking. If I was making millions, she would probably not hate me. Drunk. Dope. (What?! Some apes in LA are primarily concerned with how much money you make!? What?!) Odd behaviour. Never realised that secretaries get paid the big bucks either. However. At the end of the day, who really cares about these dopes? Smile them off. And like my Gran always used to say… Haters gonna hate! And miserable pricks are going to be miserable pricks in the hope they can make you miserable too. Just how they are.

Did you know… Traffic wardens are sometimes borderline psychotic nutters? Particularly that one parking ticket Nazi meter maid. Who gave me a fine for getting out of the car to see why she was flashing her lights. Then mocked my beautiful accent. Finishing off by telling me that the $63 ticket for leaving the vehicle was not the joke. The joke, in fact, was me. Repeated this, just so I was clear… ‘You’re the joke. YOU ARE THE JOKE!!!’ Abuse! Poor me. Lawsuit! Victim Hayes.

And Finally...

Did you know… Accidentally touching another guy’s hand is highly awkward? Realising what just happened. Checking to see if they noticed it. Catch each other looking. Eyes freeze. Awkward. Fear. Terror. Run?! (And nay. This has never happened to me at a urinal. I imagine that would make it even more awkward.)

Did you know… I was writing this ‘Did you know…’ gibber while waiting patiently to do a phone interview. Sunday paper wants some insightful knowledge from my wonderful brain! No doubt? Except. I just found out it’s rescheduled for Friday.

Did you know… Always room to be doing more. Which is why two books, two scripts, one movie and a stand-up/book tour are all now planned to be accomplished before Halloween this year. Ambitious. I know. But. I am a moron. More on!

The Golden Age – The Asteroids Galaxy Tour

Tags: Apes, Backsplash, Book, DJ, Flip-Flops, Flow, Gimps, Haters Gonna Hate, Hollywood, If You Got The Money, Jamie T, LA, Lesbians, Mark Hayes, Meter Maid, Moron, Morons, muppets, Paris, Parking Officer, Pricks, Sunday Independent, The Asteroids Galaxy Tour, The Golden Age, Ticket Warden, Trolls, Urinal, Victim Hayes, West Hollywood, Writing