Victim Hayes

Lights And Music – Cut Copy

Not sure where newspapers get photos of me. An educated guess is that they pull them out of a bag of cats. Photos with both my eyes closed. One just after a soccer match, panting, sweating, looking with one wonky eye. The most recent one has me looking like Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman. Remember, he was a blind, feeble old man? Well, just like that except I also look like I’m sitting in a wheelchair. Don’t get my wrong, delighted with newspapers picking up on my current ranking of being rated #1 on the Amazon Humour charts. Obviously. Just a pity they don’t ask for a photo. Anything at all. Potentially, I’m better looking than that. No, no: Seriously. In the right light. With the right make-up. And the right amount of airbrushing. I’m fairly sure I can scrub up better than that. I swear. Ah stop…

From book covers to newspaper articles, it’s safe to say: I am a victim. Victim of other people’s horrendous photography. Victim of trusting they’ll make me look good. Victim of saying yeah, cool, use whatever photo you want. Horse it on. All good. All dancing. All right… Why did they pick the worst photo possible of me? Again? Book cover, let’s pick one of me looking dodge. Very dodge. Maybe drunk. Good work. Too late to change it before I can say… Eh, that’s kind of dodge, no?

Imagine. That’s the photo that was used for the cover of Randumb?! Just one of many reasons why book two will be even better! (Better than #1? How? Ye shall see!) At least I can say I didn’t make it because of my looks! Wink. Nudge. Ape. Articles on!

P.S Go on the cult!

Also: DJ Perez Hilton?

Finally… Giddy up le Choo-Choo!

Tags: Al Pacino, Amazon, Cut Copy, Drunk, Feeble, Frail, Horrendous, Humour, Lights And Music, Mark Hayes, Newspapers, Number One, Perez Hilton, Photos, Randumb, Scent Of A Woman, Victim