Category: Stand-Up

Hollywood Haze

Hollywood Hayes

New weekly column of mine in the Irish Examiner. Read on! COLUMN  So there I was, Sunday night, somewhere in the Hollywood Hills, about three in the morn, drunk as a skunk, debating whether or not to jump out of this moving car. My buddy in the passenger seat, let’s call him Johnny, was debating
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Comedy Store

The Insider’s Chancer Guide to Hollywood

  (Article of mine that was in the Examiner recently ->Read on!) For the sake of your holiday needs, I’m just going to assume you’re single/a young couple/just married and bored already thinking oh no I thought this would make my life more interesting but no/married with kids and wondering where it all went wrong
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Beyonce Phone Charger

Plug Boy

Never Going Back Again – Fleetwood Mac Thanks to all my Apple products (and their horrendous battery life) I always feel so connected (to the wall). As a result, like my hopes and dreams, my phone almost always dies the minute I leave my house. iPhone. Battery. Bad. Anyway, last night I managed to lock myself
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Eye Twitch

Date Ape

Not a fan of dates. Many reasons. Here are a few: So. It’s Christmas Eve babe and I’m not in the drunk tank. Yet. I am on a date though. Christmas. Eve. Babe. What else would you be doing. Eve, the girl I’m on a date with, is looking unreal. Savage dress. Best I’ve seen. Special
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Mark Hayes Irish Independent

LA State of Mind (And Body)

http://www.independent.ie/entertainment/movies/mind-and-body-you-can-always-look-better-in-la-30524320.html So, one minute you’re at Starbucks in Beverly Hills waiting in line for your skinny café mocha frappe latte gibber, listening to two beautiful girls in tight yoga apple bottom pants talk to each other with their big voluptuous lips about how one uses cider vinegar in her beautiful blond hair and the other
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Screen Shot 2014-09-10 at 1.51.22 PM

I Want To Be The Best

http://www.independent.ie/opinion/your-voice/first-person-mark-hayes-i-want-to-be-the-best-30457187.html When I was a young wee lad making my way in the real capital of Ireland, Cork, boy, I had little to no clue what I wanted to be when I grew up. Besides the best, obviously. The question was, the best at what? For a while I thought I was going to lead
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PreDumb

PreDumb Out Now Unofficially On The QT

In case you didn’t know, my new book PreDumb: Before I Came to LA is now out, online so far at least. Amazon, Barnes & Noble, all the usual haunts. Click on the links to go forth and have a gander. Otherwise go into your nearest book store and demand the speed up their orders.
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put-on-pants

Sir, You Should Put On Some Pants

Take A Walk – Passion Pit So it’s a Friday night. You’re getting ready to go out gallivanting. Brushing your teeth. Doing a little jig. Hear a knock at the door. Hmm. Who’s that? Shimmy your way out, electric toothbrush still whirling away. Open the door. It’s the police. Oh Jesus. What have I done
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LonDumb – Part IV (Or… Kneed A Dwarf In The Face.)

(Continuing on from… LonDumb – Part I LonDumb – Part II LonDumb – Part III) Parklife – Blur “Want some skunk geezer?” Pardon? “Some skunk?” Do I want a skunk? “Yeah. Want to buy?” Why would I buy a skunk? “You being funny?” Am I being funny? “You is being funny, pretty boy.” Oh Jesus. So I get
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Boys Town To Manhattan!

New York New York – Frank Sinatra So I land. Collect my bag. Walk out the airport doors. Cross the zebra crossing. And hear a guy stuck in traffic shouting at me out of his mini van window. “Welcome to New York, you’re going to rock it in this city, am I right?!” Before I
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