Tags: Comedian
Hollywood Hayes – Regrets
Regrets, I’ve had a few, so few I can mention them all. First, that time a girl was greeting me with a hug but I thought she was trying to kiss me so I closed my eyes and went for it/head-butted her. Second, the time I tried to bleach my hair. Finally, chugging aREAD MORE
Hollywood Hayes – Pikeys
My uncle Frank told me a story about how one day his trailer was stolen from his house in Tipperary. Frank phoned the police. Made a report. Few days later two guys showed up at his door asking him if he wants to buy a trailer – The very trailer that was stolen. NotREAD MORE
Hollywood Hayes – Homesick
“Do you miss Ireland? Would you ever move back? Are you homesick? Come on, move on home!” is something Irish folk (my parents) ask me all the time. My answer is always the same: Nah. Except, there were three times I did wish I was back home. Like that time I ran out of money.READ MORE
Hollywood Hayes – Friendly or Gay?
Hard to tell in LA if most of the sound guys who I meet out happen to be gay or if gay guys are just sound to me. That’s the trouble here trying to make friends. You try to be open but never quite sure what the ulterior motive is. Take last Saturday. I’m DJingREAD MORE
Hollywood Hayes – Old People
You see a lot of things in West Hollywood. Today, for example, I saw a hefty, blimp shaped man wearing nothing but a long brown wig and pink thong bikini while cycling his bicycle. Always nice when you’re strolling to the shop for milk. Hardly ever see old people here, though. Not like the sweetREAD MORE
Hollywood Hayes – Crazy People
“How long until this person goes crazy on me?” is a fun game I like to play in LA. Usually not too long at all which is why it feels like you’re constantly living on the edge here. Crazy people roaming like zombies. Once met an older, shoeless Gene Wilder looking guy at a coffeeREAD MORE
Hollywood Hayes – Eviction
So, great news: I’m being evicted. Nice. Got an eviction notice yesterday from my landlord. Happy days. Apparently putting your spare room up on AirBnB while your roommate is away for a few months is frowned upon in West Hollywood nowadays. Even though we were told it was OK. I blame the building manager. Let’sREAD MORE
Hollywood Hayes – Sweating
“Mark, can you stop sweating?” Sorry. “You need to stop. It’s showing on camera.” It’s not on purpose. “OK, we’re done here.” Pardon? “Get out.” Auditions are some laugh. In my defence, it was 100 degrees with about 98% humidity. LA is a cauldron. Same again yesterday. Needed to take a photo for this column.READ MORE
Hollywood Hayes – AirBNB
Sorry, I can’t make it tonight, bit of a crack whore situation going on in my kitchen. Hollywood’s some laugh. Let me explain. So my roommate is in London for a few months for work. Decided to rent out his room on AirBnB while he’s gone. Bit apprehensive at first. What if they’re psychotic? Murderers?READ MORE
Hollywood Hayes
New weekly column of mine in the Irish Examiner. Read on! COLUMN So there I was, Sunday night, somewhere in the Hollywood Hills, about three in the morn, drunk as a skunk, debating whether or not to jump out of this moving car. My buddy in the passenger seat, let’s call him Johnny, was debatingREAD MORE
