Super? Really? No

No clue why, but I seem to have a fair few superstitions. Somehow I’ve managed to build up an eclectic bundle. Although I’m not fully sure if they even are superstitions. I think it may be OCD, but self diagnosis doesn’t really hold much weight. For example, the volume on the t.v or the radio has to be on an even number. Obviously it doesn’t have to be. However if I notice that the volume is on an odd number, that’s all I can think about. Gives me a slight headache. Depending on where I am, I will either just change it. Or subtly change it. Coughing, pretending something is behind the t.v that I must get, then turning it up or down a notch. Subtly. People are none the wiser. I’m sure. Super work.

Which Came First? The Spoon Or The Bowl?

Lately, I’ve cut a good lot of these fun activities out. For some reason I’ve found myself slipping into old ways this week. Over-thinking certain activities. Using the following logic… I had a good day on Monday. Monday, I took the spoon out of the drawer, then got a bowl, then filled up a glass with water. To ensure today is also a good day, I better do the same routine. Heaven forbid I take out a bowl first, then a spoon. I have caught myself actually putting the bowl and spoon back into the drawers, then taking the spoon back out first, followed by the bowl. Just to be sure. Good day Monday, must do the same thing again the next day. Poured milk into a cup of coffee first, before I poured water into the glass. Can’t be water first today. Oh Lord no. If I changed it, then the system would be all messed up and the world would obviously implode.

I obviously know none of these matter. That is what I will tell you at least if I’m asked. However, if I’ve done some small meaningless process one way then I seem to tell myself that it is the only way. It appears that the smaller and more innocuous the activity is, the more I think it will matter. Walked into the room through one door. Exited the room out of another door on the far side of the room. If I happen to walk into the room through the wrong door, I realize I now turn back around to go through the door I was meant to have entered. The right door. The door that I must use. Super work again. Doing my utmost to make my own mind explode.

Oh Dear God, No!

This morning disaster struck. I have two bracelet things that I can’t take off. Well I can, but I’d have to break them off so I couldn’t wear them again. Either leave them on or break them off. Have them since I was in America. In my head, I had to keep these on until I knew for definite when I was going back to L.A. Or, to be exact, wait until I set foot in L.A again, then rip them off. Time to buy some new ones! Almost like they are a tie to L.A. Today I woke up to find that I had somehow broken one of them in my sleep. I had broken an important bracelet. Without which, I will not be able to get back to L.A. Oh sweet Jesus. Calm down. Keep it together.

To make matters worse, I then committed another potentially fatal error.  Without thinking straight, I ate 16 almond nuts. 16 nuts!!! Remember that day before, the good one, when you ate the nuts?! You only had 15 that day. 15 is a good number! Not 16! Idiot. What had I done?! The world started to fall apart. My computer went on the blink. Sky Plus stopped working. Even the kettle broke! All because I ate one almond too many and broke a bracelet. How could I have been so reckless? So stupid?! Almost afraid to leave the house. What else was going to go wrong?

Then, something strange happened. I received a phone call. One I have been waiting on. Good news. In relation to me giddying up back to L.A. Almost good to go. Oh right. But eh, what about the bracelet? The extra almond? Spoon? Bowl? Hold on a minute, what about the superstitions? What about them?! Well it’s probably safe to say they’re not so super after all. I’m a bit too superstitious still to say they’re stupid. Don’t want to gloat at them or anything. In case they happen to read this. Oh Jesus. Swapping ‘super’ with ‘stupider’ might make the word more appropriate (‘stupid-’ on its own doesn’t really roll off the tongue). To be safe, I’ll just say I’m stupider. Not the superstitions. They’re great. Oh Jesus, must go find some wood to tap on. Just to be sure. One hundred times. On each side. Super.

Song on…

Heads Will Roll (A-Trak Remix) – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Tags: Bad Signs, Gibberish, Heads Will Roll (A-Trak Remix), O.C.D, Omens, Stupid, Superstitions, Yeah Yeah Yeahs