Fighting Mike Tyson On Mushrooms

Hello – Martin Solveig Feat. Dragonette

LA… Mighty. Halloween… Nuts. Throw in a few Irish… Big buckets of mighty funking nuts!!! If ever you were going to visit L-Hey to see how bizarre/mighty/dancing/full-on/ape-ish/funreal/savage it actually is… Halloween all the way! Last year had me stumped for words. Arrived back here from Ireland. Straight off the plane. Threw on a red top-hat. People thought I was a banshee. And by thought I mean told. L-Hey took my mind to an orgy. Tried to blow it up. Almost fully danced away with it. Came uncomfortably close to losing it over a forgotten pair of scissors. This year… More or less the exact same. Minus jet lag. Plus a scissors. Minus being ill-prepared. Plus a gaggle of visitors from home. Along with buddies from here. The Man. The sink. The whole lot! All gathering for the perfect storm. Imagine being on mushrooms. Now imagine you’re fighting Mike Tyson. On mushrooms. Fighting Mike. All going on in the Chocolate Factory. Seeing little green and orange men running around while your senses are being pummeled from all angles. Imagine all that if you can. So. Halloween here is kind of like that. But actually maybe even harder to describe…

In Absolutely No Order...

To save my brain doing tongue twister style twirls on itself trying to string a full blogaruu together in attempts to make sense of it all, I shall fire out random events I kind of remember which should be included in your check list for next Halloween…

Deciding not to go out on Friday night… Check ✓

(Most of my buddies were arriving in on the Saturday. Wait to go out then. Big night on the Sunday. Quiet night on the Friday…

Maybe just go out for a meal. Maybe just one drink.)

Going out on the Friday night… Check ✓

Someone storming off, and falling into, a bush… Check ✓

(Good work out of a sober Chowder!)

Little Ape Syndrome

Do a bit of neck-grabbing and almost throw a little 4’6 ape into the pool at the Sky Bar… Check ✓

(Earlier that night a random little ape falls into and spills his drink on my buddy Charlotta. Looks at her as if it is her fault that he fell and spilt his drink. As if she should buy him a drink. Gets rowdy. Starts being a bigger little ape. Hassling. Not being the one to start a fight… Me not being the fighting kind and seeing as he was only 4’6. Instead. Perhaps I’ll just horse him into the pool. Grab him. Bring him down the steps from the bar to the pool. Ask him one last time… Are you going to stop being such a little ape? Starts to be even more of an ape. Suddenly realise I’m surrounded by aboot 6 big dudes. American linebacker style. Back-up has arrived… Oh Jesus… Actually… Oh nay… All telling me to do it. Apparently the little ape was harassing more than one girl in the bar. Now that there are so many of us, felt slight pity for the little ape. Drunk. Clueless. Saves his grace when he blurts out that he’s only 16 (good work Sky Bar security!) Only came here with his brother…

Complete ape of a bigger little ape brother claiming to be Irish in attempts not to be such an ape but actually making himself a bigger ape… Check ✓

(Older bigger brother comes over. Definitely older. Maybe just slightly bigger. 4’8 perhaps. Both have thick, thick, thick English accents. Bruv, guv, luv, duv. Asks me if I’m Irish. Tells me they’re both Irish too, bruv. All together, bruv. Don’t worry about my little bruv, bruv. ‘You should be looking after him, bruv, seeing as he is Irish too.’ Almost starts to get ratty with me then for not standing up for his brother. Complete clown. Complete ape. Funk off both of ye. Good duck to little bruv apes. Who still don’t think they have a reason to apologise to my buddy or any of the others that the littlest ape was hassling. No, I don’t want to shake your hands goodbye. Apes. Get upset over that. Whatevs, bruvs, see ye later. Done and dumb… )

Little apes trying to be gangsters and start screaming the bar down… Check ✓

(Few minutes later, bigger little ape comes storming up to the bar… ‘You don’t know what you’ve just started, bruv! You don’t know. ALL THESE PEOPLE KNOW!!! But you don’t know. But you will know. You will know soon. THEY ALL KNOW!!!’ Points to the crowd of people in the bar. All look back at him. Hmmm. What do they know that I don’t know. Is this little ape actually someone of note. Is this little ape actually someone who when he says he has his crew on the way, his crew are on the way… I’ll just ask him… What don’t I know you little ape? ‘OH BRUV YOU WILL FIND OUT!!!’ Grabs his phone. Younger drunk little ape swaying in the background. Once again, small boy syndrome kicks in and is now thinking he too is the big man ‘You don’t know what you just started bruv, you should’ve stuck with us Irish’ – But you’re not Irish - ‘We are bruv. We could be bruv. You don’t know.’

Kind of getting sick of not knowing what everyone else but me knows. Look at the bigger little ape who is now shouting down the phone while I hold him by the neck ‘Come NOW!!! IT’S ON NOW!!!’ Which is when I see he is screaming into the phone the wrong way. Phone held back to front. Dopey little spoofing ape. Squeeze his neck slightly tighter while he screams down the phone ‘I HAVE HIM, COME, I’M HOLDING HERE’. Pretty sure I’m holding you by the neck, buddy. Finally. Eventually. Bouncers arrive. Pick up the two little apes. Carry them and their dumb threats out. Bar man apologies with a free round or two. Finally. Done and dumb. Although it was a pity I never got to find out what I didn’t know that was so well known. So he did get me there. Bruv.)

A Night To Remember...

Saturday night poolside shindig at my abode… Check ✓

Pub crawl on the Saturday night… Check ✓

Blur. Fog. Fun? Eh… Check ✓

The Big One!!!

Sunday…

Biggest Halloween parade in the world on the bottom of my street… Check ✓

(Apparently 500, 000 people were at it!?! To see a slideshow click -> Here!)

Pre-boozing and dancing in my abode beforehand… Check ✓

The Man being the absolute man and sorting us out for the main event… Check ✓

(Go on the Man! Up to the top of my street we went to the Sky Bar. Big group of 14… Strolled us in. Sorted. The Man! Hassle free. Table full, of booze. Dancing!)

Sky Bar being the most rocking I have ever seen… Check ✓