Such A F$&@^!*KING CARROT!!

Robot High School – My Robot Friend

All has be quiet on the wonderful blogaruu. Head down. Editing on. So far, so mighty. Soon ye shall see and read and laugh and weep and dance and be merry!

Oh ’twill be a glorious day, to be true.

Besides that, I have kept my venturing out to a minimum. Bar some improv shindigs (mighty) and the odd Christmas shopping hunt (also quite mighty). Although, I did go out Saturday night. An odd occurrence: I was not DJigging. Blip in the system. Matrix messed up. Threw me for a loop. What to do? I know. I’ll just go to the bar where I was meant to be DJing, collect a cheque owed to me and have a pint or nine. Because people simply love going into where they work when they’ve the night off! Look-at-me-outside-of-work-hours, kind of thing. Clown.

King Carrot

Anyway, strolled up. Met a buddy along the way. Pint? Pint. In we go. Getting on dancing. Irish gibber with randumbers. (He’s Irish too. Shock, horror!) All going well. His chiseled looks. My rambling gibberish. Good old hoot. Until. The girl he was meeting shows up. Met her once before. She was sober. Seemed all right. Quiet enough. Not tonight…

‘OHMYGAWDWERESODRUNK!’

Tut. One of those.

‘OHMYGAWDWEWEREPOPPINGBOTTLES!!! MENWEREBUYINGUSDRINKALLNIGHTHOTTESTBIATCHESINHERE!’

Oh that’s nice. Well done.

I’m introduced to her again… ‘You remember Mark?’

‘OHHIYEAHWHATEVERLETSGETOUTOFHEREGOSOMEWHEREFUN!’

It’s actually been a good laugh until you swanned in on your dopey drunk horse.

‘LETSGOTOASTRIPCLUBLETSGOOOOOOOO! AREYOUCOMING??!’

Nay. I’m going to chill here. You go though if you want…

Around now is when I fully realised what a dope she was. I imagine wherever she came from she was the good looking girl who people never said no to and everyone always told her she should go to Hollywood and just ‘make it’. And then she got to Hollywood and realised how many millions of other girls just like her are here. So to compensate for it, she turns loud and obnoxious and ape-like to stand out from the crowd. When, in fact, she’s merely doing a mighty job of blending in. Anyway, back to me declining her offer. Although instead of using the word she started screaming, I’ll replace it with a word it sounds like: Carrot.

‘YOUARESUCHAF%&@^!*KINGCARROT!!! OHMYGAWD. CARROT!!!’

And so on. Until she eventually left. Reminding me that people really don’t like me if I don’t dance to their whim. Nice girl. Sure she’ll go far. Until then:

King Carrot on!

Which Mug?

Speaking of carrots and photos, I have a favour to ask ye fine readers. I must pick a photo for my author mugshot on the back of my second book. Which to choose? Here are a few if you want to point me in the right direction. Poll on below!

[polldaddy poll=5709788]

Comment on as to why this one or why that other one. Mucho gracias in advance!

Dream On - Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs

Tags: Ape, Books, Booze, Clown, DJ'ing, Dream On, Drunk, Girls, Hollywood, Idiots, Irish, Loud, Mark Hayes, muppets, My Robot Friend, Obnoxious, Pints, Randumb, RanDumber, Robot High School, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, Writing